Nothing screams "I'm totally fine and not panicking" quite like making an unscheduled sprint to the White House after the President compares you to a collapsible rain accessory on national television.
That's precisely the situation Jeanine Pirro found herself in on Monday. As USA Journal reported, Pirro, serving as U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia, had dropped felony vandalism charges last Friday against David Hearn. For context, Hearn is a 67 year old three time Olympian who was indicted by Pirro's own office for ripping apart the freshly installed sealant lining of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. Her office's reasoning? The damage was mostly caused by a shoddy, rushed installation, not criminal behavior. They even said the guy deserved an apology.
Trump was not buying what Pirro was selling. On Saturday he offered a succinct rebuttal: "I 100% disagree." By Monday morning in the Oval Office, the verbal arsenal had expanded considerably. "I think she choked," he said. And then came the zinger that will haunt Pirro at every dinner party for the foreseeable future: "She folded like an umbrella."
Within hours, Pirro materialized at the West Wing. The visit was definitely not on the official schedule. So either she was in the neighborhood picking up coffee, or this was a full blown emergency meeting.
Here's where things get interesting for anyone who bought the "bad contractor" explanation. Trump released footage showing the pool lining being sliced with a knife or box cutter. That's not exactly what happens when your contractor uses cheap glue. Oh, and someone also burned "86 47" into the nearby grass, which last time anyone checked is not a standard construction technique.
Pirro's own office had previously declared it possessed evidence proving beyond a reasonable doubt that Hearn "willfully destroyed" federal property and acted "forcefully and violently." A grand jury agreed and handed down an indictment. Hearn pleaded not guilty. Then a D.C. Superior Court judge pushed back aggressively on the prosecution, and Pirro's team apparently decided they had better things to do. Like, apparently, folding.
For someone who was specifically appointed to break the District's longstanding tradition of abandoning cases and letting charges evaporate, this was spectacularly bad timing. It's like being hired as a lifeguard and immediately taking a nap.
The silver lining for umbrella enthusiasts everywhere is that Pirro's office explicitly left open the possibility of reindictment. So this story might have another chapter.
Trump also mentioned he was "really disappointed" in Pirro. Anyone who has observed this president for more than five minutes knows that phrase is less of a conclusion and more of an opening act. Whatever conversation took place behind closed doors at the White House, the outcome matters far more than Monday's public roasting. But let's be honest, the roasting was pretty entertaining.
Read more conservative news commentary at: USA Journal News
