There is something deeply funny about a 67 year old three-time Olympic canoeist allegedly using his bare hands to destroy government property, getting caught on camera doing it, and then watching reporters trip over themselves trying to make it sound like no big deal.
As USA Journal reported, U.S. Attorney for Washington D.C. Jeanine Pirro held a press conference Thursday to announce the felony indictment of David Hearn, a three-time Olympic canoeist charged with deliberately ripping apart the newly installed sealant lining of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. The damage reportedly exceeded $1,000, which is what bumps this into felony territory. He was caught on camera. He allegedly used both hands. No tools. Just vibes and commitment.
Now, you would think a press conference about a guy tearing up a national monument would be fairly straightforward. You would be wrong, because reporters immediately started doing what reporters do best: asking questions designed to make the whole thing sound like a misunderstanding at a public swimming pool.
One reporter challenged Pirro on how she could prove $1,000 in damages. Her response: "With an expert. Come to the trial." Five words. No wasted syllables. Another reporter wanted to know if Hearn used tools, as though the distinction between using a box cutter and using your fingers somehow changes whether a crime occurred. Pirro confirmed it was bare hands, which honestly makes the whole thing more impressive in a terrible way.
Then someone tried to suggest the pool might have already been damaged before Hearn got there, which is the legal equivalent of saying the window was already cracked before you threw the brick. Pirro was unmoved: "He damaged the pool."
But the real highlight came when a reporter decided this was the perfect moment to bring up January 6th. Because apparently no microphone can be turned on in Washington D.C. without someone pivoting to the Capitol riot. Pirro's response was chef's kiss level crowd control: "Are you REALLY talking about January 6th? I'M NOT. Okay, who's next? NOT YOU."
"Not you." Two words that will live in press conference history.
The Reflecting Pool has reportedly been targeted multiple times since restoration work began, including a 350 foot gash sliced into the liner. Whether you love or hate the current administration, that pool has been sitting there since 1922. It was there for Marian Anderson. It was there for Martin Luther King Jr. It was the backdrop for Forrest Gump reuniting with Jenny, for crying out loud. It belongs to everybody.
One outlet apparently described the felony indictment as being about an Olympian "touching" the pool. Touching it. The man allegedly used both hands to rip apart a liner and they called it touching. That is like describing a car theft as someone borrowing a vehicle without asking.
Say what you want about Pirro, but she walked into a room full of people trying to spin a vandalism charge into a civil rights moment and walked out without breaking a sweat. The reporters, on the other hand, may need a moment to recover.
Maybe they can go sit by the Reflecting Pool. Just please do not touch anything.
Read more conservative news commentary at: USA Journal News
