The guy who once raked in millions through business deals while daddy was vice president now claims he's so broke he doesn't even own a cellular phone. Yes, you read that correctly. Hunter Biden, who got paid tens of thousands for paintings that generous art critics might call "enthusiastic finger exercises," apparently has nothing left to his name except those very same canvases.
According to Conservative Brief, the younger Biden gave a deposition on February 9th in his legal battle with the law firm Winston Taylor, and the testimony reads like a country song where the protagonist loses everything, including the pickup truck.
"I don't have any assets. I don't own a car. I don't own a phone," Biden told the attorneys, presumably while communicating via carrier pigeon or smoke signals. He went on to say that his paintings are literally the only things of value he possesses, though he conceded he doesn't actually know what they're worth. Spoiler alert: probably less than they sold for when his father occupied the Oval Office.
The law firm sued Biden back in June 2025, claiming he stiffed them on roughly $17 million in fees for representing him in federal criminal cases, congressional probes, and defamation lawsuits. Seventeen million dollars! That's a lot of billable hours for a client who apparently can't scrape together enough for a prepaid phone from the gas station.
But here's where it gets even more entertaining. Biden insists his family can't help either, stating "My family doesn't have any money." This is the same family where former President Joe Biden reportedly scored a $10 million book advance, and former First Lady Jill Biden published a memoir that hit number one on the New York Times bestseller list. But sure, the cupboards are bare.
To be fair, experts point out that book advances get paid out over multiple years and shrink considerably after taxes, agent fees, and other deductions. So maybe that $10 million isn't quite as cushy as it sounds. Joe Biden has also reportedly struggled to land lucrative speaking gigs, and his presidential library fundraising has hit some roadblocks, particularly given his Stage IV cancer diagnosis.
The Yale educated attorney, who has since been disbarred in Connecticut, recently found employment at a luxury addiction treatment facility in Los Angeles. Court records and his own published memoir have revealed that drug and alcohol addiction, combined with extravagant spending habits, consumed much of the fortune he once accumulated.
Perhaps the most audacious claim in the whole saga is Biden's argument that the law firm knew from the jump he couldn't actually pay the full tab when they took him on as a client in late 2022. He says his former attorney Abbe Lowell repeatedly told him not to stress about the bills. That's like telling your waiter not to worry about the check at a Michelin star restaurant because vibes will cover the tip.
Analysts now believe the gravy train of opportunities that once surrounded the Biden family has significantly derailed. Shocking absolutely no one who has ever watched politics operate like a revolving door of favors.
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