Somebody call the milk carton company because Mitch McConnell has apparently vanished from the United States Senate, and now pranksters are literally papering Washington, D.C. with missing person posters featuring his face. As Conservative Brief reported, the Kentucky senator has been away from his duties for six weeks after being rushed to a hospital near the nation's capital. And people are starting to wonder if the Senate's most famous tortoise enthusiast is ever coming back.
Here's the timeline of weirdness. McConnell was hospitalized on June 14 after emergency responders were called to his residence for reports of an unconscious individual. Initial accounts said he experienced cardiac arrest, but his office later clarified that he simply took a tumble and then picked up a "mild case of pneumonia." You know, just a casual fall followed by a little lung infection. No big deal for an 84 year old. Nothing to see here, folks.
His staff, led by Terry Carmack, kept recycling the same boilerplate statement about how the senator "appreciates the outpouring of support." That's political speak for "please stop asking questions." Then on July 12, they dropped a photo of McConnell sitting in a hospital bed next to his wife Elaine Chao, holding a copy of that morning's Washington Post like some kind of hostage proof of life picture. Naturally, that image raised more questions than it answered, including from fellow Republicans who apparently have trust issues.
A second photo came out on Monday showing him smiling beside Chao, along with a statement claiming he's "working hard to get back to my full schedule." His doctor also noted that McConnell is undergoing a "strenuous course of physical therapy and rehabilitation." So strenuous, apparently, that he cannot cast a single vote or show his face on camera.
Enter the Save America Movement, an anti Trump political group that decided Wednesday night was the perfect time to plaster the Capitol area with flyers describing the senator as "turtle like" and "tortoise like," standing 5 foot 9 and last spotted on June 11. The best part? The flyer's closing line reads: "If you have any information about his whereabouts, please keep it to yourself. He would."
SAM founder Steve Schmidt went on The Daily Beast podcast to explain why they did it, calling the secrecy around McConnell's condition a reflection of what he considers the "rotten" state of American politics. He even compared the whole saga to a fantasy finale of the show Veep, which honestly might be too generous a comparison for this situation.
Meanwhile, Kentucky's Democratic Governor Andy Beshear is not laughing. He sent a letter on Monday to McConnell and his team demanding the senator either speak publicly to prove he can still do his job or resign. That letter was copied to Senate Majority Leader John Thune, just to make sure everyone got the memo.
So to recap: an 84 year old senator has been gone for over a month, his office keeps releasing carefully staged photos like album cover art, pranksters are putting up wanted posters, and the governor of his own state is basically saying "prove you're alive or pack it up." Just another completely normal week in American democracy.
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