Red Lobster closing nearly 50 locations

Thanks for nothing all you endless shrimp stealing, no tipping, feed your whole family on $20 motherf*ckers! Just when I want to get some cheddar bay biscuits, I go on the Internet and find out Red Lobster is closing nearly 50 restaurants and was even in danger of going bankruptcy! I’m blaming all the folks who showed up on endless shrimp night, ordered 12 plates, then fed 6 other people on it. You made Red Lobster lose money and now look at them!

All jokes aside, their food sucks anyway. I’m not actually mad. The only thing they’ve got that’s any good is the biscuits, so whatever. If they close, then I don’t actually care as long as the people I mentioned above don’t rush over to the places I actually do like to eat. And to be fair, Red Lobster should have stopped the endless shrimp the day it came out. They knew exactly what would happen. Just make yourself a buffet or don’t. You can’t be a regular restaurant and expect people to respect the rules. If you told me endless shrimp, then I’m ordering one plate and feeding everyone too! It’s Red Lobster’s fault they didn’t pay attention or enforce the rules, so whatever. Who cares? Not me! CBS News reported on the Red Lobster closings in a news article:

Red Lobster has consistently lost money for years. In an attempt to boost traffic at its restaurants, the company last year expanded its all-you-can-eat shrimp deal. Customers’ appetites, however, ate into profits as demand overwhelmed what the chain could afford, resulting in financial losses.

Rumblings of a possible bankruptcy emerged this spring when the company tapped Jonathan Tibus as its new chief executive. Tibus is a managing partner at advisory firm Alvarez & Marsal and is known for restructuring corporate entities.

As recently as last month, Red Lobster was seeking a buyer in hopes the company could avoid bankruptcy, CNBC reported.