(Crankers.com) At a sunlit Delaware ice cream parlor, President Joe Biden, sporting aviators and a double-scoop cone, announced his endorsement of “Biden’s C’mon Man Life Alert,” a quirky spin on the senior safety device. “Folks, look, here’s the deal,” Biden began, pausing to lick chocolate ripple. “I’m 82, sharp as a tack, but sometimes you trip—y’know, like on Air Force One stairs. This button? It’s a lifesaver, no malarkey!”
The event, attended by a small crowd of retirees and a bemused Secret Service detail, featured a cardboard Biden waving a Life Alert pendant like a campaign sign. “This ain’t your grandpa’s alert—well, maybe it is, but it’s the best, Jack!” Biden chuckled. “You fall, you press it, and boom—help’s comin’ faster than Corn Pop runnin’ from a scrap.” The device, he claimed, has a “Scranton-tough” design and a voice feature that responds, “C’mon, man, you’re fine!” to calm panicked seniors.
Priced at $49.99 a month (“cheaper than a Wilmington diner breakfast”), the deluxe $199 version includes a pendant shaped like Biden’s aviators, a monthly Amtrak ticket discount, and a voicemail greeting: “Hey, it’s Joe. You fell? Get up, we got work to do!” The catch? Subscribers must listen to a daily Biden anecdote—yesterday’s was about his ‘67 Corvette saving democracy. And better yet, it comes with two free scoops of your favorite ice cream!
The demo went off-script when Biden, reenacting a fall, tripped over a microphone cord and pressed the button. The alert connected to a Wilmington pizza shop instead of EMS. “Folks, that’s just a test—best pizza in town, by the way,” he quipped, as aides scrambled. X lit up with memes: Biden tangled in cords, captioned, “C’mon man, I meant to do that!” Fans posted, “Grandma hit her Biden Life Alert and got a story about Scranton trains—she’s back to knitting!” Rivals called it a rebranded Life Alert with a folksy markup. “It just plays ‘Hail to the Chief’ on loop,” a competitor snarked.
Philips Lifeline groaned, but Biden shrugged on Truth Social: “Their buttons? Boring. Mine’s got heart, like me and Jill. Seniors love it!” He teased a pet version: “For dogs like Major—tremendous, folks.” As the crowd cheered and Biden offered ice cream cones, the “C’mon Man” Life Alert stood as a monument to his charm: less about tech, more about folksy flair. Whether seniors buy in? That’s no malarkey—they just might.
If you're looking for real news, then go to TrendingViews.com. Thanks. Choo choo bye.