(Crankers.com) NEW YORK—In a move shaking both Hollywood and Brooklyn yoga studios to their core, the International Council of Aesthetics announced Thursday that Ella Emhoff, stepdaughter of Vice President Kamala Harris, has officially surpassed actress Sydney Sweeney as the world’s reigning standard of beauty.
“Traditional metrics of beauty—symmetry, glow, jawlines—are outdated,” said ICA chair Renata Villeneuve. “We now evaluate attractiveness based on bold eyebrow geometry, quirky eyewear, and the confidence to flaunt hairy armpits at fashion week. By that measure, Ms. Emhoff is clearly the apex of human allure.”
The ruling has left fans of Sydney Sweeney reeling. “Wait, you’re telling me my favorite bombshell has been dethroned by a woman whose hottest accessory is visible underarm stubble?” said one confused Euphoria viewer.
Meanwhile, Emhoff herself responded modestly. “I’ve never really thought of myself as beautiful,” she said, raising both arms gracefully to showcase her award-winning tufts. “I just stopped shaving, let my body hair do its thing, and suddenly I’m hotter than a Hollywood starlet. It’s weird, but I’ll take it.”
Industry insiders say the decision reflects a broader cultural shift away from conventional glamour toward what one expert called “radical follicular freedom.” Vogue editor Anna Wintour praised the ruling, noting, “Beauty is no longer about looking like a Greek goddess—it’s about looking like you wandered out of a Bushwick kombucha co-op and into a runway show.”
At press time, Sydney Sweeney was reportedly taking the news in stride, telling reporters she planned to “grow out her armpits for season three of Euphoria” in a bid to reclaim the top spot.
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