(Crankers.com) OSLO—In what the Nobel Committee described as a “bold and innovative interpretation of nonviolence,” militant left-wing collective Antifa was awarded the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize Friday for its tireless efforts to defend democracy by setting dumpsters ablaze and knocking MAGA hats off of middle-aged accountants.
“Where Gandhi brought peace through hunger strikes, Antifa brought peace through bicycle chains and Molotov cocktails,” Nobel chair Ingrid Lyngstad announced in Oslo, praising the group for “challenging the traditional notion that peace requires less fire.”
The award marks the first time the Peace Prize has gone to an organization without a physical headquarters, a tax ID number, or a discernible HR department. Nobel officials explained that the prize will be mailed to a P.O. box in Portland, along with a $1 million grant “to purchase additional black hoodies and artisanal tear gas respirators.”
In response, Antifa representatives held a press conference behind a row of overturned recycling bins. “We humbly accept this honor,” one masked spokesperson declared before setting a Norwegian flag on fire to protest Norway’s “complicity in existing as a nation-state.”
Conservative commentators were quick to condemn the award. “This is absurd,” said Fox News host Tucker Carlson’s hologram, “They’re literally giving a peace prize to people whose primary conflict resolution strategy is a skateboard to the jaw.”
Still, some academics praised the choice. “If peace is simply the absence of fascists, then Antifa is doing God’s work,” said Dr. Helga Røyne of the University of Oslo, moments before being hit with a stray canister of vegan pepper spray.
At press time, Antifa had promised to use its prize money responsibly—specifically to fund a new initiative called *Operation Tranquil Molotov*, described as “the most peaceful riot you’ve ever seen.”
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